How to Not Make Things Worse: 3 Strategies to Help You Cope with Painful Events and Emotions

Hey Reader,

Just like a printer endlessly shooting out paper, our emotions can be relentless. To manage them, I’ll share 3 key strategies to help cope with these painful events, emotions, and urges.

When grappling with life’s challenges, three methods emerge as beacons of hope:

1. ACCEPTS
2. Self-Soothe Skills
3. IMPROVE the Moment

Knowing when to use these tools is crucial. Let me paint a clearer picture with an incident that happened to me several years ago.

When to Use The Tools

With my mind preoccupied with the day’s to-do list, I stepped out of the elevator and scanned the parking garage all on autopilot.

Then, bam! My expectations – and my car windows – shattered. Literally. There I stood, gaping at the shards of my once intact life. Someone had broken into my car and my brain constricted, my eyes widened, and my mind raced. What am I going to do now? “I’m definitely going to be late for work!” Argh.

In this shock, I found a practical test for my coping strategies. Let’s explore how they apply in such moments.

For moments that are:

• Highly stressful
• Short-term (i.e. won’t last very long)
• Create intense pressure to resolve the crisis now.

You’ll want to use the strategies I describe to help you not make a bad situation worse.

1. ACCEPTS

Distractions have their place.

When you need to create space between stimulus and response, use a distraction. Distractions can come in many forms and we’ll look at a popular Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) strategy called ACCEPTS.

• Activities
• Contributing
• Comparisons
• Emotions
• Pushing Away
• Thoughts
• Sensations

Let’s break these down one by one:

Activities: Do something fun. Play Clash of Clans. Watch The Bachelor/Bachelorette (did I just reveal a guilty pleasure? Don’t judge), or listen to your favorite jams.

Contributing: Lend a helping hand or do something nice for someone. This could be writing a handwritten letter, giving someone a big hug, or doing a favor.

Emotions: Do the opposite of what you’re feeling. As much as you want to take a sledgehammer to your wall, don’t do it when a crisis strikes. Wait until your home renovation project.

Pushing Away: When my car window was shattered, pushing away became my mental duct tape. In a crisis, it can be helpful to push the painful situation out of your mind for a bit.

Thoughts: Crack open a book, do some puzzles, or count the tiles on a wall.

Sensations: Intensify other sensations. If you run hot in crisis situations, try taking a cold shower or if you can’t do that, hold or chew some ice (don’t tell your dentist I said this).

Distract your mind with ACCEPTS.

2. Self-Soothe Skills

Ground yourself in your five senses plus movement.

• Vision
• Smell
• Touch
• Hearing
• Taste
• Movement

Vision: Are you a connoisseur of the arts? Space out to a painting or your child’s artwork (at least you might finally figure out what those squiggles mean).

Hearing: If you don’t have a sound machine, I suggest investing in one. You can listen to all sorts of sounds from the sound of birds chirping, rain, thunder, or even traffic (yuck).

Smell: Perfect excuse to bake some cookies or make popcorn.

Taste: For taste, dig into your favorite foods–but hey, easy on that Ben & Jerry’s, ok?

Touch: For touch, I love giving my golden retriever and yellow lab some belly rubs.

Movement: Recently, I've been throwing dance parties. Watching my son nail the 'stanky leg'? Priceless.

Remember your five senses, plus movement as a solution.

3. IMPROVE the Moment

You can always IMPROVE the moment when attempting to cope with uncomfortable feelings and to avoid conflict.

• Imagery
• Meaning
• Prayer
• Relaxation
• One Thing at a Time
• Vacation
• Encouragement

Imagery: I like to imagine myself on a peaceful Jamaican beach–skip the storm and crazy taxi rides for this mental getaway (that’s a story for another time).

Meaning: I like to consider “What are the silver linings?” Everything can be a lesson if you open your eyes to it.

Prayer: Open your mind and heart to something/someone greater than you.

Relaxation: Progressive muscle relaxation is a great strategy here. There are a number of resources you can find on YouTube for example.

One Thing at a Time: A mantra I preach to my athletes is “What matters now?” By focusing on the moment in front of you you bring your whole self to the situation which means a better opportunity to operate out of “wise mind.”

Vacation: Give yourself a break. This could mean getting outside, grabbing a smoothie, surfing the web, and just taking a nice long break from the hard work that must be done.

Encouragement: Thomas the Train got it right. “I think I can, I think I can.” Give yourself a pep talk. Come up with something you can say to yourself.

Why Bother?

Just as rogue printers can’t be stopped mid-job, we can’t always halt pain.

But with these strategies, we can manage the output. If you lack strategies, you struggle more with pain. This could lead to impulsive actions, jeopardizing opportunities and relationships. Ultimately, not helping you get what you want in the long run.

After my car ordeal, I realized without these strategies, I’d be like a chef without ingredients in a busy kitchen.

Can't fix everything on the fly? Fine. But let's not turn a puddle into an ocean, right?

Next Week

We’ll discuss what to do when you’re experiencing extreme emotion.

(Please note that I am not a trained psychologist. And you should seek professional services if needed. I am here to provide experiences I have learned via my work as an emotional behavior disturbance teacher along with my personal experiences).

Thanks for Reading!

Don’t be like ice cream when it gets angry and melt down. Use these strategies to your advantage.

Hit reply and let me know what 2 specific skills you might practice in stressful situations (e.g. activities from ACCEPTS, vacation from IMPROVE, etc.).

See you next Saturday,

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Marcus (got two dad joke books for Christmas) W.

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113 Cherry St #92768, Seattle, WA 98104-2205
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