3 Big Emotional Myths People Unknowingly Accept in Their Lives That Prevents Flourishing

Hey Reader,
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Your emotions don't always tell the truth.

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Mr. Feynman is right with this quote. He warns against overconfidence.

But this can apply directly to our emotional beliefs. We fool ourselves by clinging to harmful myths like:

• People believe there is a right way to feel in every situation.
• Negative feelings are destructive.
• If others don’t approve of my feelings, I obviously shouldn’t feel the way I do.

The reason these myths are so readily accepted is because they slip under the radar of our everyday talk and actions. But once you hold up a mirror to these boogeymen, you reduce their stranglehold on your life. This allows you to express yourself truthfully and take action even when you feel fear.

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Let’s dive in!

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Myth #1: People believe there is a right way to feel in every situation

I was always the kid that looked around at everyone else.

Perhaps it comes from being the younger sibling. My older sister was my guide, teacher, and interpreter, especially for family reunions in Mississippi, Louisiana, etc. Living in the northwest and having extended family down south can make it challenging for a kid to parse the muddy waters of southern accents from my slick talking cousins. While I’ve gotten better with time, I’ve realized in this and other areas of my life this overreliance on others can be a problem.

You second guess yourself.

And second-guessing yourself can diminish your self-confidence. Instead of looking within, you look out and search for clues to how you should act. (Every time you come across a should you should have a bit of skepticism.) This translates into people hiding their true feelings by acting outraged when the mistake isn’t that big of a deal or remaining silent when others are dealt an injustice.

The fear is in being left out.

The truth is that every person responds differently to a situation

There is no right way to react. Some people relish the opportunity to speak in front of crowds, while others prefer conveniently getting sick on the day they have to talk in front of everyone. Even if you're the toughest of tough, say like a lion tamer (lion tamer?) or a navy seal the way you respond depends on your preparedness. If you drop a navy seal in a cage with a lion, they may squeal. If you ask a lion tamer to jump out a plane they may lock themselves in one of the crates.

Recognize that we’re all wired differently and the way you should feel may not be the way you should feel at all.

Myth #2: Negative Feelings Are Bad & Destructive

Labels are a powerful mechanism.

In my professional experience I’ve seen students who’ve been given the label “special ed” come unhinged. This is disappointing because it is such an unfair label they've imposed on themselves because of a poorly believed stigma. But think about the labels you’ve put on yourself. That you’re broken, hot-headed,or worthless.

Bull$h!t

We think that since an emotion feels bad, it must be a sign.

Emotions are not facts.

Repeat. Emotions are not facts. But, “I think awful things.” I’m an advocate for professional help and you should see someone if the urges are overwhelming. However, if you’re in the right mind, we all have strange thoughts from time to time. If it makes you feel better, my son asks me to tell him what sound Santa makes when he farts (please…don’t ask). Of course I oblige, I mean he’s two. But the big idea is:

Negative feelings are natural responses

They help you to better understand situations. All this being said, there are still tips you can use to dampen the effects of negative feelings.

• Identify your role models. Read their biographies, watch their documentaries. Expose yourself to the negatives they must have felt and still preserved. Then use that knowledge to ask yourself what would they do in this situation?
• Check the evidence. Do you always act on negative feelings? Consider what would happen if we didn’t have negative responses. We wouldn’t know what to avoid.
• Create a list of fears. Tim Ferris suggests creating a fear list which can be a powerful tool. However, you may use this list to think about what would happen if you didn’t do the thing you wantto do. Negative feelings can promote positive action.

Your emotions are influenced by factors such as sleep and hunger.

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Remember that emotions may send mixed signals like your ex.

Myth #3: If Others Don’t Approve of My Feelings, I Obviously Shouldn’t Feel the Way I Do

“I always get things wrong.”

I admit sometimes negative self-talk gets a hold of me and this is one of my go-to lines. The problem is that this only exacerbates the idea that people are better judges than you are. Once you lose trust in yourself, you lose control of your life.

How many times have you said to yourself “I’m overblowing this?"

Perhaps you say this because you’re in a power struggle. The other person telling you this is the authority on the matter. Adopting a non-judgmental stance will help you in these situations. Assume responsibility for your actions, but pause to understand your emotions.

Learning is messy and you must wrestle with yourself for a breakthrough.

But you don’t want to limit crucial insight by dismissing your feelings.

You have every right to feel the way you do regardless of what others think

It comes with the caveat of not being a jerk.

It’s a prescription to think for yourself. And perhaps thinking for yourself first starts with feeling yourself.

Important reminders:

• No one reads minds.
• People have different values and goals.
• You can have the feeling and still consider the right course of action.

Dismantle emotional regulation myths by challenging common beliefs and refusing to accept lies.

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So Tell Me

What myths are you trying to bust? Or What myths have you busted? Hit reply to this email to let me know!

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Thanks for Reading!

If I had no emotions, I don't know how I'd feel about it.

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See you next Saturday,

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Marcus W.

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113 Cherry St #92768, Seattle, WA 98104-2205
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