If You Want to Ruminate Less–Observe, Describe, & Participate More (The “What” Skills of Mindfulness)

Hey Reader,

This is uncomfortable.

Negative thoughts would fill my mind when others talked about someone I knew behind their backs. Past mistakes would bombard my mind. Ego took slight control as I thought to myself, “If they only knew the mistakes I’ve made.” I was thrown out of the moment and into mental time travel. This mental time travel came from not practicing mindfulness’s 3 “what” skills.

Let’s dive into these “3” skills so we can better handle reality as it is presented.

Observe

Practice wordless watching.

Judgments may spring to mind and this is okay. You do not need to grasp them like items on a grocery store shelf. Observe the labels as you walk down the aisle.

Thoughts will come and go.

But what about painful thoughts?

Do not push them away either. Allow them to take their normal course of action so you can be done with them. It may feel unbearable, you may wince but once you get past the peak of intensity things will fall back down.

Use your senses to stay grounded.

What do you see? What do you hear? What do you feel? What do you smell? What do you taste? Focus your attention on any one of these senses to ride the wave of intensity.

Describe

You can only observe another’s external features.

A tear rolling down their cheek. An eye roll. The quivering of their lips. Once you’ve honed your observation skills, then you can practice putting words to the experience. And label what you observe.

“I feel my heart racing” for example.

Give yourself some space to make wise decisions.

And stick to the facts.

Ask yourself, what makes someone a jerk?

Someone parking inconsiderately? Someone not picking up their dogs’ poop? People who cut you off in traffic? There are many interpretations of a jerk as you can see. And one of the challenges people face is letting interpretation dictate how they feel.

Your goal is to describe without interpretation.

This involves describing what the person is doing. For example, “he/she is rolling his/her eyes and speaking in a loud voice.”

When you stick to the facts you neutralize the secondary emotions that accompany your judgments allowing you to operate from a place of wisdom not reaction.

Participate

Many people are plagued with worries regarding tomorrow or are focused on yesterday. “How did he/she get that job and not me?” or “I can’t believe I did that. I’m such an idiot.” One, beware of negative self-talk. And two, if you dwell on the past or the future, you may feel anxious or regretful.

Throw yourself into the present moment. To navigate the fleeting moments of your life thoughtfully, blend your hopes for the future and lessons from the past.

Feel your feelings fully without being self-conscious.

This does not mean you need to act on them. Remember emotions ebb and flow. Your thoughts are your thoughts. You cannot control what pops into your mind.

What is crucial is making the next moment your best moment.

Next Week

Now that you know the “what” skills of mindfulness, next week you’ll learn “how” to practice the skill for increased effectiveness and emotional regulation.

I’m not zen enough to remember all my meditation puns, but I’ll try to stay present.

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See you next Saturday,

Marcus W.

P.S.

Happy Holidays! Let me know, what's one thing you want to build, eliminate, or continue into the new year?

P.P.S

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