“I’m trying to get more comfortable at doing that.”

This was his follow up to my question as to whether or not he was starting conversations with people in and around his niche. Several mental performance coaches have shared with me that it’s reaching out to local physical therapy offices, clubs, and performance facilities that take up the bulk of their efforts when trying to add clients. It’s not unheard of for coaches to send cold emails, letters, and visit these places in person.

But since he was posting on LinkedIn and using it as a vehicle to grow his business, I was curious how he was leveraging his network. Specifically, if he was DMing people.

He continued, “just like not being annoying and reaching out to people randomly because I get those instant emails, like, we make the connection and then there’s a message in my inbox and it’s like, hey, I wanted to connect because I wanted to do X,Y, and Z…trying not to be that spam type person, but still be there.”

In plain language: “I don’t want to come off as annoying or spammy.”

It’s a completely valid fear, one that I’ve had myself, but it’s also one of the major barriers I’ve heard from more than one coach when it comes to building relationships via social media.

Here’s 3 things I’ve learned about outreach after talking to coaches about it and doing it myself over the past year.

The Real Work is Built Through Relationships

One idea that needs to be challenged is that if I just post, business will come.

Posting does make a difference. It can show whether or not you have a pulse and tells people, “oh she's trying something too.” That connection can be a starting point for good conversation. But it’s not everything.

Most coaches don’t see their first unprompted DM for months, not days. For some it’s month two, for others it’s month six.

And even if that engine is humming, all of it still points back to starting relationships and having conversations with people.

I liken it to Division 1 coaches still needing to visit the homes of the top prospects they want to have join their program. It’s easy to see what their teams have done on the field or court, and with so much inside access these days, you can get a glimpse of who they are and what they’re about. But that doesn’t change the need to talk with the family or get to know the recruit on a personal level.

It’s one thing to be known, it’s more valuable to care.

Show Interest First

Lead with what you want from them and watch the conversation die after one message. That’s the pattern every self-serving DM follows.

This is what the coach was talking about when he said, “we make the connection and then there’s a message in my inbox and it’s like, hey, I wanted to connect because…” And it’s an immediate pitch-slap that’s irrelevant to you. While some want to get right down to business and know what you’re there for, others are curious about why you reached out in the first place.

This is why it’s important to sllllooowww dowwwwnnn.

Fire off that DM in 30 seconds while you’re anxious and it reads rushed, easy to ignore. Slow down and it reads like you actually meant it.

The worst mistakes. The things I feel the biggest regrets for when it comes to outreach is when I’ve been in too much of a hurry.

Don’t do the same.

Follow Your Curiosity

According to Richard van der Blom’s Algorithm Insights Report 2026, LinkedIn now tracks response rates on outbound DMs. Messages that consistently go ignored get flagged as spam behavior, which can hurt how far your content reaches.

​You can see his post about it here.​

A DM that names one specific thing you noticed, a post, a comment, a client story, gets read differently than “I wanted to connect.”

With all this said, I still get that it can be intimidating to show up in someone’s inbox.

But if you never initiate conversations, you never know what could happen. The referral partnerships you already have probably started with a message you almost didn’t send.

If you feel a bit of cringe reaching out, it might be a good sign.

Send the DM, reply to the email, start the conversation.

Ask the coaches with steady referral networks how it started, and more often than not, it traces back to one conversation they almost didn’t have.

So the question I have for you:

Who’s the one person you’ve been meaning to reach out to but haven’t?

Reply and tell me, generally, who they are. Doesn’t need a name. I read every response, and love hearing from you.

As always, thanks for reading.
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Until next time,
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- Marcus W.