As I was folding yet another pair of underwear an argument broke out on The Real Housewives of New York.

My wife was watching the show when I was busy getting our lives in order (jk). When I looked up one of the women was bragging about how many people she knew at a party. But to her friends, and later herself self-admittedly, those relationships didn’t mean anything. They lacked depth. Just something she said she had. This caught my attention for some reason and I’m a bit surprised I watched for as long as I did (tbh). But I couldn’t help but think of how this is similar to how we treat growing a business online.

We write something, send it to everyone, and hope it lands.

But that’s not how connection works.

What moves people isn’t solely volume. It’s the feeling that someone is talking directly to us.

As a coach, that matters for one big reason.

What you care about attracts who cares about the same things

Some may say your weird, some may say you’re crazy.

And some will say, “me too!”

This is a line from the children’s book Uniquely You. My son has been loving this book lately and it’s been in constant rotation at bedtime. The big idea is that your differences make you who you are and that’s what’s attractive to people.

As adults, it’s easy to lose sight of the simplest ideas.

It’s worth reminding yourself: You can’t be everything for everyone. And that’s alright.

The goal of building an audience isn’t to puff your chest out about the most followers. It’s to find the right ones. The people that look forward to what you share and find what you have to offer valuable.

I am not saying that reach is insignificant or that a large audience can’t help you.

But it doesn’t when the motive is off. You can lose yourself in chasing popularity instead of staying true to your mission. Cue every teenage drama when the geek falls from grace after losing their way. Don’t lose who you are.

The more clearly you show up as yourself, the more clearly the right people recognize and respect you.

What personal connection looks like in practice

Be human.

In a more tech-obsessed world, actually being the thing you are (a human) is a standout trait. But sometimes we forget how to do this when we try to speed up and automate everything.

As odd as it sounds, being you is an endearing trait.

Yet, we can overcomplicate this.

This is especially true when connecting online. I’ve talked with some coaches that fear sending a DM, even a genuine “hello” makes them feel sleazy. They’re concerned that that “hello” translates to “BUY FROM ME NOW!” to other people.

This is not the case.

You can connect like a human without feeling sales-y or sleazy.

Here’s a few ideas:

• Share mistakes you’ve made along the way (not performative vulnerability, just honest reflection)
• Give people a glimpse into your thought process (how you approach problems, how you think about your work)
• Notice small details about others lives (celebrate their wins, acknowledge their highlights, express empathy in the lows)

All of these do something wildly important: They make the relationship feel real.

Not like they’re being talked at like you probably felt many times as a teenager.

You don’t have to share everything. Sharing what’s true does a lot of heavy lifting here.

What changes when you know who you’re talking to

Personal connection is at the heart of it all.

Mainly because your perspective shifts. You pay less attention to what you get out of things and do the best you can to serve others, which ultimately feeds yourself. It’s a positive habit loop to maintain.

Whether it’s through DMs or email, you start to focus on who responds, who replies, and who asks questions as a result.

All of which gives you a clearer picture of who you’re talking to and the problems you can solve for them.

It’s like everything gets sharper: your topics, your services, your product. You stop guessing.

Paying attention helps you future-proof yourself against ever-changing demands. Because things will inevitably change, but you’ll be in a better position to adapt when you know ‘why.’

The numbers’ part is the least interesting piece in all this.

The interesting part is the individual relationship you build one person at a time.

P.S.

What's the one thing about you that isn't on your credentials? Reply and let me know. I read every response.

As always, thanks for reading.
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Until next time,
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- Marcus W.